"Shaadi.com is not a website where people just want to f*** around. These are people who('re) looking for potential marriage partners and I do not think they should allow same sex searches."

Where does the queer Desi community go to find love when faced with this mentality? Believe it or not, this isn't a quote from an Auntie or Uncle but someone my age (23-25). You would assume the younger generation would be more accepting and more tolerable towards same sex relationships. Look around, it's become more and more common through TV shows and movies and our society as a whole.

I tried to sign up for Shaadi.com in hopes of finding a nice girlfriend, with over 800k successful matches; I figured I had a chance too. But as I was writing my profile, I realized it wasn't created for me to look for a woman. When I went to the woman section there were no personal ads for women looking for women either. Are they that narrow-minded or has the idea never crossed their marketing table?

Why can't I find my love match on Shaadi.com? Over the years I've met a lot of interesting individuals in the Desi community and I wanted their input on this topic.

Tushar Unadkat, a production designer who recently finished working on "When Kiran Met Karen" - a film about a famous Bollywood actress who falls in love with a lesbian journalist. "In this new age along with the spectacular technological evolution, what is equally important is to respect the significant social evolution. It is fair and acceptable if match-making sites cater to the queer Desi community, however, where Shaadi.com is concerned, we have to respect their mandate," says Unadkat.

I turned to everyone's favorite Uncle, Vijay Uncle. We met at SASA 2004; he's an advocate for getting South Asians to become bone marrow donors. From his talks and lectures throughout the country, Vijay Mehta has successfully registered 60,000 donors. I've seen people of all ages turn to him for advice because he's very easy to confide in with his warm heart and kindness.

"I think the time has come for every Desi matchmaking site to have a section for same gender matching. We Desis have shown more maturity and tolerance in this area," says Mehta.

And lastly Vidur Kapur, a renowned comedian who performed in NBC's "Stand up for Diversity Showcase," Kapur is known for his snappy wit and great fashion sense. He simply says, "I am a firm believer in arranged marriages for gay couples - they always work!"

After extensive research I found out that Shaadi.com had no plans to make a section for Queer Desis. Their reasoning was that they are based in India and they have to follow Indian law. According to Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code it states it's unlawful to have "carnal intercourse against the order of nature." This code has also been used to prosecute acts of oral sex, sodomy and bestiality. The punishment ranges from 10 years to a life sentence.

There have been numerous queer groups in India to overthrow the law because ultimately it's used to discriminate against homosexuals. The ironic twist to this penal code is that the British created it in 1860. After the British left in 1947, they forgot to take this absurd penal code with them.

Shaadi.com has a 24-hour chat service. I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to have some friends pose as decoys to see what kind of responses they would get.

Susan: Hey, I'm interested in creating an account but before I do, wanted to know if I could search for the same sex?
Darshan: No you cannot search for the same sex.

Susan: Why isn't it an option?

Susan: Will it be one in the future?
Darshan: Please give me a few minutes while I check your query

Susan: sure.
Darshan: I will just take it as a suggestion and will forward to my product department

Susan: Do you believe there is a queer community within the Indian community? And do they have a right to find their soulmates like shaadi takes so much pride in?

Susan: or is it because under India jurisdiction homosexuality is illegal?
Darshan: In India it is not yet legalized, but I will forward this to my product team

Susan: No, thank you for your help.
Karim: How may I help you?

Sim: Hi Karim, I'm just wondering before I sign up for this site if it has a section for gay/lesbian south asians?
Karim: We do not have such options.

Sim: Is there a reason for not having one? or is it something that's in the works and just not up on the site yet?
Karim: Shaadi.com is the World's Largest Matrimonial Service provider for people of Indian and Asian origin with more than ten million members. We offer a platform for serious minded individuals to find their Soul mate.

Sim: I'm sorry but are you implying that homosexuals are not serious about finding a soul mate?
Karim: And currently we have gender options as MALE/FEMALE only.

Sim: That's fine, but is that ever going to change? So people besides for the 'straight' indians can use this site to find as you say 'soulmate'
Karim: Wait till its get Legal.

Sim: what about the people that aren't living in india? Cause I'm sure a lot of people from other countries use the site. Karim: Wait till its get Legal.
Karim: We do not have such options.

Sim: Don't you think it's a bit unfair? to those of us that would like to use your site...but we can't because it's illegal in india and I don't even live in India!
Karim: OK we have notrd your point as suggestion and will definately look into it.

KD: hello sarika

KD: i have a question

KD: i was wondering
Sarika: Hello

KD: if you guys were going to add a lesbian/gay section to shaadi.com

KD: anytime soon

KD: ?
Sarika: I am extremely sorry but please note that Shaadi.com is a very serious site...

KD: i am being quite serious with the question that i am posing Sarika: Thank you for waiting. I'll be with you in just a moment.

KD: thank you very much, i do appreciate it
Sarika: I wish to inform you that Shaadi.com comes under the jurisdiction of the Government of India.

KD: I see, i recall that under that jurisdiction nowhere does it state

KD: anything about marriage, so i believe that marriage is legal

KD: even if it is homosexual

KD: that is how a lesbian couple was married in 05

KD: and seeing how you guys are shaadi.com a site promoted to marriage...

KD: if there was any chance of you guys actually changing your viewpoint to include homosexuals in part

KD: sorry on your site...
Sarika: but it is not considered by the Indian laws..

KD: can you give me the exact law

KD: that prevents that?

KD: sorry for being difficult

KD: i'm just curious
Sarika: May I request you to please wait for a moment?

KD: yes absolutely thank you
Sarika: thanks

KD: no problem
Sarika: I request you to please click on the below link and get to know that it is not allowed:

KD: ok so i'm reading all this
Sarika: Sure

KD: but nowhere in there does the statute say marriage is prohibited

KD: also seeing that Section 377 is currently facing constitutional challenge in the Delhi High Court in a petition filed by Naz Foundation, if the statute is overturned will you guys open your site up to gays and lesbians?
Sarika: I am sorry but I cannot get in to the legalities of this issue as I am not from the legal department. I completely respect your views and sentiments. However, the law says that relations between people of the same sex is not allowed. In the same stance the marriage between two such people will also be deemed as against the law.

KD: sarika do you think there is anything that the gay/lesbian community can do to help shaadi.com open its borders?

KD: again thank you so much for your patience and answers Sarika: If the challenge to section 377 wins, then I am sure that there will be huge changes all over the country and that will certainly change a lot of other directly connected things.

KD: understandable...so a little hope to the community right?
Sarika: Well I am a dreamer and so lets wait and watch.

KD: hahaha thank you so very much sarika. you've been a pleasure to speak to
Sarika: But i do wish you good luck and hope that you find the right person for yourself.

KD: thank you! do take care!

I propose that all Desi Matchmaking sites look into creating a section for the queer Desi community, it will open up the door for new clients and the fact remains; it will make your site different from the rest. Even though the Shaadi.com customer service representatives assured the decoys they will pass this onto their marketing department, I doubt anything will happen as long as Section 337 remains a law. So you really can't blame Shaadi.com, I mean they are following the law, but its a shame that no such site has had the guts to take this issue on.

I should note that I did not mean to single Shaadi.com out, as there are tons of similar sites who follow the same mandate. But when will it stop?

Peta's Notes: This just in! Check out Indus Gay, a site that caters to the queer Desi Community. But I still propose a challenge to the mainstream Desi matchmaking sites to create a section for queer Desis.

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